The Grave

I do not fear dying too much. If I had to die to save others or to support a noble cause, I think I could do it. I have never faced a life or death situation. I am certain I do not understand the paralyzing fear or sadness that accompanies it. But, if I am honest with myself, I think I could die willingly. I might cry or tremble while I face my end, but I think I could do it fear or not.

To be honest, what scares me more is losing someone I love. That has never happened to me and I dread the day it does.

Once I had a dog die. He was hit by a car. I cried a lot. I wrote down all of my favorite things about him. And I took good care of his grave for the first little while. However, the pain eventually passed, I got a new dog, and I no longer cried about it. But he was just a dog. What will it be like if it is someone I love?

Once I had a childhood friend die. However, I had not been in close touch with her for a long time. When I went to visit her grave, I cried because I was amazed that someone could just be gone. I had never experienced someone disappearing out of my life before. After I left her grave, I was quiet, but I was not sad anymore. Her death did not have a huge impact on me because we were not close. But,  how I would have felt if we had been close? The supreme sadness of losing someone terrified me.

There is a concept that I cling to. I have been taught it since I was little. It is: There is life after death. The scriptures teach us:

"And behold, again it hath been spoken, that there is a first resurrection, a resurrection of all those who have been, or who are, or who shall be, down to the resurrection of Christ from the dead.....The soul shall be restored to the body, and the body to the soul; yea, and every limb and joint shall be restored to its body; yea, even a hair of the head shall not be lost; but all things shall be restored to their proper and perfect frame" (The Book of Mormon, Alma 40:16, 23).

We can see our loved ones again! Death is not an end! Though it is deeply painful, it is not permanent. Isn't that the most wonderful news? It makes me feel so grateful! I do not have to be afraid! I can be with all of my loved ones again, forever.

"Mother!"

"Parenting is part joy and part guerrilla warfare." Ed Asner.

That being said, my mom is the pro. She is the best at both joy and warfare when it comes to parenting. However, she did not become good at it all at once.

My mom made a lot of personal sacrifices to be a good mom. For instance, she and my dad decided, after a lot of prayer, that they would home school us. I was almost eight. My parents were tentative to take the plunge. They were terrified! My mom had no idea how she was going to handle five children at home all day every day! She certainly had no idea how she was going to educate them at the same time! However, over the next fourteen years, I watched her do it.

I remember:

Hours she spent helping each one of us through pages of grueling math problems. She was just as happy to master a concept as we were!

Her studying our grammar books so that she could answer our questions about compliments and gerunds.

Her reading stacks of books from the library to us. She would read to us and explain history and science, language and art.

She was (still is) particularly good at designing good field trips or projects! Yay for field trips!

Her going to her room to cry when things were frustrating. Sometimes, if I peeked in, I would catch her praying. 

She would often bear her testimony about little things like forgiveness or accountability while she was making us food in the kitchen or driving us to soccer games.

Mothering us was tough. I know she had to give up chances to travel with my dad, take music lessons of her own, be around other adults, work out at the gym, or pursue her writing career. She had to sit inside and deal with five different grade levels of subjects, five different attention spans, and five different tempers every day for years!

However, she has often told me that it was all worth it. She has told me that she loves me and that family comes first. I am grateful to my mom for her example and I hope that I can be like her when I grow up!